Split Into Two
by Neko-chan -Silvered Tongue
Summary: It's hard knowing that you're not all the way human. Just think of what it would be like--being different, knowing that another presence lives within you. And this is Yukito's puzzle that he must solve for himself.
1. Puzzle

Split Into Two

By: Neko-chan

  
  


A/N: Anyway, this is my second CCS fanfiction. "Hello, Mirror" was my very first and the reviews that I got encouraged me to write more. (Many thanks to all that reviewed for "Hello, Mirror"!) That was basically a one-shot, but this will (hopefully) be a chapter story. Since I have more experience writing for anime characters that are unique (and Yukito's situation IS kinda unique...reminds me of Yuugi and Yami from Yu-Gi-Oh!), this story WILL be focused mainly on him. [And me being a sucker for him and Yue has NOTHING to do with it, alright?! ...*coughs*...]

Disclaimer: I don't own Card Captor Sakura. That honor belongs to wonderfully talented people that are NOT me.

  
  
  
  


Chapter One

Ever since I was little, I've always wondered what it would be like to have another me. Haven't you ever wondered the same thing? Just think--all the times that you weren't picked for a team, all the times when your friends were at home, sick, and you were left all alone at school, all the times when you didn't _have_ any friends... All of these times wouldn't matter because there would always be another you that would be with you always.

Don't you think that that would be wonderful?

I finally found out that having another me is just as much a blessing as it is a curse. It's...hard, sometimes. Not many people understand what it's like. I know that the people that I'm closest to DO care and they DO try to understand...but how do they really know what it's like to be me? How do they really know what it's like to be not fully human? The truth is... They _don't_ really know.

Each one has their own special abilities. Intelligence, magic, fighting skills. But, in the end, those abilities still have a human flavoring to them. Me... Well, how can you say that having a completely and totally different person living inside of you is even _close_ to being considered normal, let _alone_ human? The truth is... You can't. I'm not normal and I'm not human.

I'm not normally this pessimistic nor am I normally this cynical. But it just gets so hard sometimes, living with the knowledge that I'm different than all the other people around me. That, deep down inside--where it counts--I'm not even considered fully human. That, no matter HOW hard I try, I will _never_ be considered fully human. Like I said before, it's both a blessing and a curse.

I'll never be lonely. But, then again, I'll always be different. I'll always be unusual and strange. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I had known from the beginning that someone else was living inside of me. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad (I sometimes think to myself) if the people--my _friends_--who HAD known about this other person inside of me had told me. But they hadn't. Instead, they kept it a secret. They kept it a secret from _me._ Out of everyone else in the whole entire world, don't you think that _I_ have a right to know that someone else lives inside of me?

Don't you think that I have a right to know that I'm not fully human? Don't you think that I have a right to know that the other person inside of me ISN'T human--so does that make doubly not-human? Doubly-nonhuman? 

My head is spinning.

In a way, all of these thoughts are confusing. But...there is an order to them...isn't there? Can't I just look at everything like it's a big, huge jigsaw puzzle? I _will_ eventually make sense of all of this...won't I? A little niggling feeling deep within tells me that NO, I _won't_ eventually sort all of this out. I hope that feeling is wrong.

Sometimes, while I'm at archery practice, I think. Why can't life be like an arrow? It's clean cut; and, if shot properly, it sails through the air and embeds itself in the bulls-eye. Why can't life be like that? Why can't answers be like that? Instead, why is everything all...jumbled...together? 

Sometimes, I wish that this was all just a dream. An eerie, surreal dream...but a dream nonetheless. In the dream, I wouldn't mind having another me. A Yue-me. But not in real life. He's so much different than I am. How could we possibly live in harmony? We're like yin and yang. Yes, people say that yin and yang are just like two pieces of a puzzle. But they're not. They're opposites and you would _expect_ opposites to be constantly at war. Is that what's going to eventually happen with Yue-me and myself?

This is my jigsaw.


	2. Reality

Split Into Two

By: Neko-chan

  
  


A/N: Just to let you know--there will eventually be dialogue in this story, but it's going to be mainly first person Yukito POV. I hope you like it, anyway. ^_^;; Once again, thank you to all who reviewed the first chapter and many, many thanks to all who reviewed "Hello, Mirror." And now, on with the second chapter!

Disclaimer: Neko-chan does not own Card Captor Sakura. NOW LEAVE HER ALONE! ;-p

  
  
  
  


Chapter Two

Me.

That's an interesting word, don't you think? Me. M. E. It's a very simple word--after all, it is composed of only two letters--but it can lead to so many things. I. Myself. Mine. My. Though these things don't seem to have a common ground (after all, these are pronouns, adjectives, possessives, reflexives, and such...), but they actually do. They all point back to one source. You. ...how many times have you heard this one saying: "Me, myself, and I"? Too many times to count, am I right? But, once again, it all leads back to _you._

People always seem to be obsessed with themselves. If you take only one day and sit on a park bench, listening to the different murmurs of conversations, you'll quickly lose track on how many sentences start with a first person singular subject. In fact, you'll probably lose count after two hours or so. It may take a little bit longer, it may take a little bit shorter--but you _will_ eventually lose count.

Another thing that I've noticed--people in general are very obsessive on how much control they have. They like order and they like knowing the fact that everything is in its proper place. It just seems completely strange to me. Why worry about it? You're going to move it again eventually. It is where it is.

Sometimes I just sit on a park bench and watch as people walk on by. Sometimes I wonder to myself--'What would it be like for them to switch place with me? How would they like it if they had to go through life, day in and day out, wondering if the other them that lived deep inside their body would suddenly burst out and take over completely?' Dark thoughts, I know. But don't I have a right to at least _sometimes_ think these dark thoughts?

I think I do.

After all, why can't I be at least somewhat bitter? A completely nonhuman being lives inside of me. He can emerge at any point of time and take over my body. It's frightening to sometimes think about the control that he has over my body. He can make me do whatever he wishes--and I wouldn't be able to stop it. That, more than anything else, is the scariest part. I wouldn't be able to stop him.

What if he decides to kill himself one night? I wouldn't know what he has planned and I wouldn't be able to stop him. When he dies...I die, also. I don't like to think these thoughts--after all, why would anyone like to think these thoughts? But I wake up in the morning sometimes and I see bruises covering my body. I shudder every single time I discover a new bruise that _I_ don't remember making. I shudder every single time I think of how much more damage Yue-me received in order to get me bruised. If he dies, I _will_ die along with him. He takes risks sometimes...and they're scary ones. There is only one body that has to be shared by two people. When something happens to one of us, it DOES happen to both of us. Yue-me doesn't really want to admit to this fact, but he is aware of this fact. And he tries to ignore this knowledge with the best of his capabilities. He can't ignore it for much longer.

Following down this path logically, another thought comes to mind. It's a terrifying one, but one that I will have to face eventually. (In a way, everyone has to eventually face this, too. It may come in different ways and different forms, but this thought _will_ have to be faced.) Who is the real me? Which one of us is the real me? Which one of us is the reality? Is either of us a dream? ...what _is_ reality anyway, but the very substance of a dream? What _is_ real? Am I dreaming?

Don't you think that this is disturbing--questioning your very existence? All people eventually question, but not all do it as I do. After all, how could they? In the end, they all realize that they _are_ real. That their reality _is_ reality. But how can I possibly question things as they do? Because--the truth of the matter is--I DON'T know what is reality. It may be this one. Or, it may be Yue-me's reality...and I'm only his shadow.

It'd be suiting, though, wouldn't it? To be his shadow, I mean. When compared to him, I _am_ found lacking. He's so much stronger and smarter than I am. He can fight, while I can't. If worse comes to worse, he would be able to defend my friends. But I? I would have to stand by on the sidelines, watching as they all die. 

I would rather die than have to go through that.

In a way, it's intriguing, though. How so?, you ask. I'm not in the mood to explain it fully, so I'll just leave that until another day. It's too complicated and it'll take a long, long time to explain it until it can be explained no more. How long? Maybe until all of eternity...

When I hear about the others talking about Yue, I sometimes just drift in and out of thought, just allowing my mind to wander. But, for some reason, it always returns to one single strand of thought: Maybe... What if Yue-me _isn't_ a completely different person? Yin and yang, in a way. What if he's just everything that dark about me. An alter ego, a person might think. He's everything I want to be; maybe the feeling is returned. What if I'm everything that he wants to be? Interesting... I'm probably just deluding myself, but what would happen if I was right? Light and darkness. Yin and yang. Everything has an opposite and somehow they do manage to fit together. Like two pieces of the same puzzle.

In a way, it's like having multiple personalities. Which personality is real? Which reality is real? Which reality is the real one and which one is the dream? Which puzzle fits in with which piece? How can yin and yang exists as they do? Honestly, I don't know. In fact, I'm still trying to figure it out. I'm still trying to figure _everything_ out.

For some reason, I don't think that I ever _will_ figure it out.

  
  
  
  


A/N: Eh. Chapter two done. Hopefully, it was at least _somewhat_ good. (AND it was longer than last chapter, too! Whoohoo!) Anyway, possibly...if you have time, would like to go and read my other stories? I have a ton to chose from--poems, haikus, originals, original anime/manga, miscellaneous, books, crossovers, and anime. (And, in the anime, I have CCS, GW, DBZ, Video Girl Ai, Yu-Gi-Oh!, and a TON more.)

Yami: My, don't you seem a little pathetic, ne?

...go back to your fanfiction! *points and stamps foot* Anyway, see you in chapter three! ^_~

~Neko-chan 


	3. Bubble

Split Into Two

By: Neko-chan

  
  


Disclaimer: Neko-chan does not own Card Captor Sakura. She is but a poor young girl stuck with a minimum wage job. So why don't you go and sue somebody who actually _has_ money?

  
  
  
  


Chapter Three

Shhh...

I'll tell you a secret. No one else knows this secret so you'll be the very first person to know this about me. Just until recently, when I discovered that my whole entire childhood was a lie, I thought that I wanted to be a clown when I grew up. Stupid, yes I know. But it's a thing that every child dreams of. That and being a doctor, a firefighter, or a superhero. Now, I'm a superhero. Or, at least, I'm _part_ of a superhero. But I'm not the actual superhero.

It doesn't matter, anyway. I never _wanted_ to be a superhero. All I wanted to be was a clown--and make people laugh. Is that really that much to ask for? All I wanted was to make people happy. I wanted to make people smile. I wanted to go away from each performance knowing that I brightened someone's day. Is that really too much to ask for? But, in the end, it was a child's dream.

And the dreams of children always burst.

I finally grew up. (Would it even be considered growing up since I was never a child?) My dreams burst, much like a soap bubble floating with the wind. It's beautiful to look at--all shimmery and sparkling iridescence. But eventually it does pop. And that magical thing is no more. Dreams are like that, you know. They're beautiful to look at...but rarely stand up against reality. I guess, in a different way than others, I've become jaded.

Maybe Yue's personality is finally showing itself in me? I wonder, sometimes... Do you want to know another secret? Everyone else doesn't know this and even _Yue_ doesn't realize this--I can sense him sometimes, a powerful, sad presence hovering in the back of my mind. He doesn't know that I can sense him. I don't _want_ him to know that I can sense him. It's _my_ secret--one that no one else knows. And no one else will ever find out this particular secret of mine. It is _mine._ All mine. 

Sometimes, it's really hard to remember which of us is the reality and which of us is the dream. It's getting harder and harder to think of us as two separate people. I've started to think of ourselves in terms of Yukito-me and Yue-me. It's like we finally becoming merged. But is that even possible--he's the true one and I'm just the facade. How could it be possible that the facade and the real thing become merged? _Is_ is even possible? Until recently, I thought that the answer would be a loud and unchanging: NO. But now... I just don't know anymore.

Did you know that I woke up this morning with a white feather on my pillow? I don't know if Yue left it there deliberately or if it was just an accident--but it was still there nonetheless. And it was the very first thing I received that proved that Yue was real. Even with all the stories that Sakura and Touya told me, it was still hard to comprehend unquestioningly. But now I have something _solid._

Everything they told me...was true.

I wonder what he looks like? Sakura says that he looks like an angel. She tells me that he can be very protective of her. "Like you can be, sometimes, Yukito-san," she tells me with one of her sweet smiles. Does she smile the same way for Yue as she does for me? In a way--I want to know. In another way--I would give up anything and everything that I own to keep that question from being answered. Pathetic, don't you think? But it still remains the same.

Sometimes I wish that I had never found out about Yue. Sometimes I wish I was still forging on through my oblivious bubble. Sometimes I wish that I had never heard the two words that I now hate with the whole of my being--"not human." I hate those two words as I've never hated anything in my whole entire life...or seeming life. 

I know that many of my friends think that I hate Yue. In the beginning, I did. It was true. But it's not this same situation at this point of time. After all, in the end, how can you hate someone that you can understand and empathize towards? The fact of the matter is...you can't hate someone like that. In the end, Yue and I may be very, very different...but we can understand each other in ways that no one else can.

Late at night, when I'm alone in my bedroom and just looking out at the stars, I wonder something over and over again, until it becomes a silent litany in my mind. 'Why did Yue chose me--my personality, my looks, my interests, everything that makes me ME--as his human shell to hide behind?' Sometimes the nights are very long and I have eternity to think this puzzle over. In the middle of my pondering, Yue occasionally emerges. For the most part...he doesn't. And I'm left to muse alone.

Why did Yue chose me as his human cloak to hide behind? Why ME? Yue and I aren't anything alike--from what everyone tells me. Logically, he would have made his human shell strong and intelligent (sometimes cunning)...like himself. Instead, he picked someone who wasn't strong and who's gentleness often overrided the need and the want for cunning. Who could Yue possibly have known that had most of my characteristics?

Or...who could Yue possibly KNOW...?

The answer eventually came to me one night. If you look at it from his perspective, the answer is amazingly simple. Clow Reed. When all of the pieces of _this_ puzzle are brought together, it does make sense. Yue is often sad and melancholy--something he would rather die than reveal to other people. But, the reason why he is melancholy is because he is in mourning. All of these long years and he is still in mourning over his first master. He must have loved Clow Reed very deeply if he decided to make his human shell so completely different than his own personality...and similar to that of his first master. But, more than a master...his very first friend.

In a way, it is humbling to know that your life and your personality--YOU--is modeled after someone a person loved...and still loves...very deeply. In another way, it is also very intimidating. But his reasons and his devotion can still be understood. He loved and was loved in return. No one could ever possibly forget that feeling. And then he had lost that only friend he had ever had. It will be a very, very long time before Yue can finally stop grieving. He may even never stop grieving. But I can understand why. I can understand him.

And that is when we start to understand each other and we can begin to empathize with each other. It does seem somewhat like a strange relationship to most people, but this is the reason why I don't hate him. It's because I understand him and can empathize with him. And I think he knows the same thing, too. And I think that the feather that I found on my bed wasn't an accident. I think he left it there for me deliberately.

I just hope this bubble doesn't pop.


	4. Abyss

Split Into Two

By: Neko-chan

  
  


A/N: I know that a couple of people have asked me about when I would eventually bring in the actual story plot line and dialogue and I finally have an answer for them: I'll be starting the actual story not next chapter, but the one after. I just needed to have the introspective (POV) chapters to set up the base and structure of the story. Anyway, I hope you're enjoying it so far. Ja ne and see you next chapter! ^_~

DISCLAIMER: Neko-chan does not own Card Captor Sakura. Now put away those lawyers!

  
  
  
  


Chapter Four

I like going to the park and just sit on the bench by the lake for hours on end. Listening to the water lap against the shore is probably the most relaxing thing I have ever heard. On some days, I even bring bread to feed to the ducks and swans that live in the lake.

But they eventually end up fighting over the bread pieces and so I don't really like to bring the food nowadays. All I want to do is just sit there, quiet all around me, just the gentle lapping of the water surrounding me. It's peaceful and it's restful. Gentle and quiet. How I so wish my own life was like that. I fall asleep sometimes, just sitting there.

Sometimes I just doze for several minutes, other times I sleep for hours, waking up only to find that time has passed me swiftly on by while I had slept. I love those days--the days where all the world seems muted and subdued. The days that pass slowly on by and you live through it in a half-dream. You don't know whether you're awake or if you're sleeping. The edges of your vision is misted, fading slowly--ever so slowly. A dreamscape, pale and unreal. Surreal.

I don't know if I'm awake anymore.

All I know if that things are starting to fade for me. Am I awake or am I sleeping now? I just don't know. I don't think I'll _ever_ know. My vision is fading. Everything in my sight is subdued. Nothing seems real anymore. Will it _ever seem_ real--even when it's not?

My life has seemed like a dream--surreal and unreal. But it's NOT real. It was all just a dream. _I_ am just a dream--fading around the edges and falling from memory over time. After all, all dreams slowly and eventually fade. All it will take is time. And then I'll be gone. I'll be gone forever; for, after all, dreams fade and do not last. They cannot stand the test of time. Thing die and things fade. Eventually you lose all. Everything goes eventually...

...except things that are immortal.

Is Yue immortal? I'm scared to ask and see how he answers. I guess, in a way, I'm a coward. I'm not just scared of how he'll answer, I'm terrified. What would happen if he told me yes? I know that I would be shocked--and perhaps I would also be curious. After all, how would he be able to live each day, knowing full well that he would live to see another day, another year, another century, another...millennium. I know that I would be unbelievably weary. Tired. So very, very tired.

I wake up sometimes in the morning and I _do_ feel so very tired. I know that it's what Yue is feeling. He won't ever admit it to me, but he is wearied. He is mourning. He will tell no one. And yet...I still know. I do not know what to do with this knowledge, but I still know. I do not pity him--for how can you pity someone who others describe so majestically?--but I do feel sorry for him. I can imagine how wearied he must feel and I can imagine what the pain of loss must feel for him because I _can_ feel these things. Yue and I are linked in ways that no one else can understand. And, once again, this is my own secret that I will reveal to no one. Not even Yue.

At times like these, I don't hate him. I can never hate him. When I try to explain this to the others, they can't understand why. But how can I possibly hate someone who is a part of me? (Or that I'm a part of him...) It isn't possible and they just can't seem to understand that. Yes, in the beginning, I hated him and what he stood for. Everything real--everything that I wasn't. But that was before I began to understand who I am and what I meant to him. That hate faded away. It was like a poison in my body, but I was able to draw it out.

And yet..._I_ don't understand all this sometimes. But you feel what you feel. Nothing can change it and it can rarely be explained properly. But you still feel.

I'm sitting on the bench again.

The sun is slowly setting on the horizon and the stars are coming out in the sky high above me. I've sat here all day, unmoving and in a half-dream. All day the waves have gently lapped up against the shore and then slowly receded. Crashing and then slowly joining the main body once again. It's happened all day--never-ending and never-ceasing. I love hearing it, wandering deep in a dream. But wait...

Silence.

There is no more sound. Silence fills the night, making a black abyss of the park and the bench on which I'm sitting on. No sound. Even the sound of my own breath...gone. Am I still even breathing? I don't know. I just don't know anymore. Darkness ascends and it seems to fill me up, swallowing me whole. Is there an end to this darkness? I wait and I wait and I wait. Will it _ever_ end? And it finally does. A pale, luminous light fills the air around me. I feel refreshed. I can almost soak it in; I can almost touch it.

The moon has finally risen.

I know that means that Yue's power has awakened. But will he, himself, awake also? I don't know tonight. I never know. He never asks and he never tells me; and I never ask, either. All I can do is wait here on my bench. All I want to do is just listen to the gentle lapping of the water on the lake shore. All I just want is solitude to think.

But I wouldn't get my wish.

  
  


Darkness came up upon me. It wasn't the same darkness as before. This darkness I knew. This darkness I was familiar with. Yue had awoken. I don't know what he wanted and I don't know what he did while I floated in the oblivion of nothingness...just thoughts and emotions keeping me company. It always happened like this. Come morning, I know that I would wake up either in my own bed...or somewhere else. I just hope that Yue would leave me in place that I knew. But, then again, he always did. I think that it was the one sign that he gives me that tells me that he thinks about me. At least, I _think_ that's what he's trying to tell me. I'm probably wrong, though.

Everyone thinks that I'm usually wrong.

I don't normally feel resentment towards others (after all, the 'me' that Yue created wanted 'me' to be happy and gentle, quiet and soft-spoken), but I've been feeling upset lately. Why do people always think that I'm a bubble-headed young man? I don't know why they think it... I am thoughtful and I can think. Just because I don't always express my thoughts doesn't mean that I don't have any. I prefer to keep my thoughts to myself. Is there anything wrong with that? Touya does the same--I'm probably one of the few people that he shows his true side to. But no one ever thinks of Touya as a empty bubble-head. So why do they think it of me? I'm not only good at archery. I like to write and I like to think about different things.

I have a personality and I'm not a 'ditz.'

So why do people think of me in this way? I don't know the answer to that question and I don't think I'll ever know. I just wish that more people realize that I _do_ think. I guess, in the way, I'm like Yue. I don't think he realizes it himself, but besides giving me Clow Reed's attributes, he also have me some of his own. But, once again, this is _my_ secret to keep. Not even Yue realizes it.

Yue is a very thoughtful person--quiet and deep-thinking. He doesn't often voice what he thinks; at least, I don't think so. After all, in the end, I can only go by what Sakura and Touya tell me...and the differing emotions and images that I sometimes get from him. Emotions and images that he doesn't realize that he's sharing. But, once again, it is my secret to keep.

And so my descent into the dark abyss continues...

  
  


I wake up in my own bed. I am surprised, because this happens very rarely. I can count on one hand the number of times that Yue has left me in my own bed. But that doesn't matter. At least he has thought of me and has left me in a place where he knows that I will be most comfortable. And now I have to get ready for school.

I hate school. I have to put on the mask that Yue created for me every single time I go. Everything feels so fake and so constrained. So like a dream--and yet not. Sometimes the fakeness of it all just about blinds me...and then the edges of my vision blurs and I can hardly see anything at all.

But it doesn't matter.

I slowly get up, pushing myself up into a sitting position. My movements lag--my body knows that it must get dressed and ready for school and it does not want to. Neither does my brain. I have to, though. There is no other choice. Besides, Touya and Sakura will be there. They are perhaps my only friends. Well, in a way, you could also count Yue. ...what would he think if he discovered that I count him as one of my friends, though I have never meant him and I probably never will? Surprised, most assuredly. Shocked, yes. Comforted? ...yes, I think so. Absently, I look down at my bed to make it.

There's a white feather left on my pillow, where my head rested.

I smile softly.


	5. Order

Split Into Two

By: Neko-chan

  
  
  
  


Chapter Five

One plus one equals two.

We have always been told this--from the time we begin to learn mathematics to the time we die, we are always taught that one plus one equals two. It is logical and it is predictable. But... What happens when one plus one _doesn't_ equal two? All predictable laws, everything that you were ever taught...are wrong. _Everything_ is chaotic. _Everything_ loses their logic, their pattern, their predictability. There is no more order. There is only chaos. Lost and lonely, wandering for what seems like eternity, trying to make sense of the world and the universe around you.

More and more often lately, it feels as if my life has become chaotic. I'm lost and I'm lonely in a vast sea of spinning stars. I'm a speck of nothing compared to their greatness. Nowadays, it feels as if one plus one _doesn't_ equal two. And, in the end, there _is_ that option of having one and one not equal two. After all, physics and calculus talk of imaginary numbers and infinity (What IS infinity, anyway?), so why can't there be an option of one plus one not equaling two? It does so often happen in our universe.

Chaos theory.

With this theory, nothing is ever predictable and everything is always disorganized, without logic, and with no pattern whatsoever. Everything happens by chance, not choice. Nothing is predictable. In some ways, I like this theory very much. In others...I don't like it at all. My math teacher doesn't like this theory one little bit. She says that it's a bunch of lies and repeatedly tells us that _everything_ can be predicted by math. (What a boring life that would be! Knowing what would happen second by second... ...where is the vitality? The life? What _kind_ of life is that??)

Not everything can be predicted, though. There are always instances in which events are planned out to the very microsecond... And then one tiny thing--one minuscule event or instant--happens and changes _everything_. Not all of those minuscule events can be predicted or anticipated. They can be expected--but no one will ever know when or where they will happen. These are the times in which the chaos theory proves itself to be true...and where the logic and predictability of mathematics falls short. But, in the end, nothing is ever perfect. Not even Yue.

His predictions of various things have often fallen very short of his expectations. Take me, for instance. I know that Yue wanted me to have qualities that he wished he had--or various qualities that Clow Reed possessed. Friendly, cheerful, always greeting others with a smile on my face. ...I can't always smile... Yue wanted a creation that was a child of the sun to go against his being a child of the moon. However, it took me a long time to realize something. And I don't know that Yue has yet to realize it himself, either.

Our sun is a star. And, though it gives off warm and life-giving light, the only time you can ever really see stars is at night--shining down on us side by side with the moon. And the moon is only giving off light given to it by the sun...a _star_ in itself. It took me a very, very long time to realize this. And I don't think Yue has yet to realize it. If he had realized it--I would have known. I know I would have. 

It's times like these, when I'm sitting on my window sill and just looking up at the stars overhead, when I realize that Yue and I do share similarities--they're just so buried deep within us that most never see them. Sakura and Touya don't, I know that for sure.

One similarity that we both share is the fact that we notice certain things--we are both unusually perceptive. (Maybe that's why I can so easily sense things from him...) I know that Touya hates and despises Yue. There is an animosity between the two of them that is difficult to explain. Yue feels the same way towards Touya, I know that too. 

Shhh... I'll tell you another secret. Touya hates Yue because he thinks that Yue is using me and then will eventually be rid of me, like a castaway shell. And Yue hates Touya because he fears that my best friend will take me away from him, leaving him all alone in the world--with no one to hide behind and no one to just _be_ with.

But Touya is wrong. Yue _can't_ discard me because he created me. Lately I've been doing magical research using different spell books as guides. I've learned things that have surprised me and that have intrigued me. When Yue created me, he made a new life. I'm _alive_. He cannot kill me now. He cannot _discard_ me now. My past and my memories may be a lie, but my future is not. I'm a living, breathing _person_ that cannot be discarded so easily--not at all. True, I may not be real like Touya, Sakura, Kero, and Yue...but in my own way, I am real.

The same thing can be applied to Yue as well. Touya _can't_ take me away from him. It isn't possible. It isn't. Though we may act nothing alike, Yue and I are very, very similar. We have a bond that is impossible to break now that he has created me--just like it is impossible for Yue to discard me when he becomes 'bored' with his Yukito-me. We share the same body and share personality traits. In some ways, it could also be considered that we are alter egos* of one another. So how can Touya take me away from Yue when Yue and I can, in some ways, be considered two halves of one person? The answer is simple: He can't.

I like thinking on nights where each minute passes on by like an hour and I stay up late wondering if Yue would take control of my body that night. It just gives me time to think, something I don't normally have the pleasure of doing. I don't know if all of these thoughts that I have are coming from my subconscious or if they're various revelations. All I know if that I have them. And they give me different things to ponder about. And lazy nights are the perfect time to do so.

I've begun to realize so many things that Yue would prefer me not to know. Different things about him...and about myself. But these things are my own secrets to keep...and so I will end up telling no one. That doesn't bother me, though. It doesn't, however, change the fact that we are both very, very similar. _Too_ similar in some ways.

We both grieve. Him for his old and dead Master. And I grieve for the past that I never had. We are both excellent secret keepers. When we decided that something will remain a secret, nothing will be able to pry it forth from our lips. We both rarely talk and we both keep our thoughts to ourselves. But, perhaps, the most important: We are both lost and lonely, hoping that someone is out there--someone that is similar to us; someone that we can finally confide in and take comfort from. And yet...the list continues on... We are both emotionally cold. We don't let anyone get close to our hearts and we don't have very many friends.

I always have a ready smile--he always has a dark glare. But his glare is actually as fake as my smile. They are both just masks to show to the outside world--the various landscapes that forever surround us.

This is another time where one plus one doesn't add up to two. Sometimes it _does_ come out to be two. Other times, it ends up being a number that you would least expect. _Sometimes_. Just sometimes, though. Always? Never? Sporadically? ...eternal.. Just sometimes.

...sometimes it adds up to three.

...sometimes it adds up to five.

...sometimes it adds up to ten thousand.

...sometimes it adds up to...infinity.

Math is weird like that, anyway. The _world_ is weird like that anyway. It always seems to remind me of a line that Puck speaks in "A Midsummer Night's Dream." A line that always seems to remind me of Yue. He's speaking to his lord, King Oberon, and says: "Lord, what fools these mortals be!" What fools, indeed.

And so my story begins, unfolding page by page, twisting into something surreal and unrecognizable, even by me... Even I do not know how my story will end. I do, however, hope it ends with a 'and they lived happily ever after...' But real life doesn't always end that way. And yet...sometimes it does. 

"Once upon a time..." 

  
  
  
  


A/N: And so ends the introspective chapters. Next chapter the actual story begins. I do hope the POV chapters gave you something to think about, though. (It was, after all, what I was aiming for.) I also hope the introspective chapters helped show you a side of Yukito that you rarely, if ever, manage to see. (Yet another goal I was aiming for.) All that are reading this story--I hope you're enjoying it. And I also hope you stick with me until the very end. *crosses her fingers and hopes* Until next chapter--Ja ne! ^_~

*My not-so-subtle way of paying tribute to one of the most _amazing_ Yukito and Yue stories out there--"Alter Egos." It's intriguing and so beautifully written. It brings up the issue of multiple personality disorder (MPD) and alter egos in a way that can be _understood_ and _fits_ the different characters personalities. Please read it, it's _amazing_!


	6. Genesis

Split Into Two

By: Neko-chan

  
  


A/N: Just to let you know, I do write shounen-ai AND non-shounen-ai. But for this fic...I'm purposely writing it so that it could be taken either way. Also...I don't particularly like this chapter (I think it stinks...-.-;;...), but I hope you like it anyway. ^_^;;

DISCLAIMER: Don't own it. Don't sue. The end.

  
  
  
  


Chapter Six

~Once upon a time, an angel was born. He was not like the other angels because he had not been born at the beginning of Time--and he did not dwell in Heaven. Instead, he was created on a planet called Earth by a powerful sorcerer.

The sorcerer had created the angel to protect his most treasured belongings--a set of magical cards. These cards were very important because they were extensions of himself--and thus were very important and powerful. This sorcerer created the angel to take care of the Cards--always and forever. But...

...But the angel was lonely. He was different from all the others--even differing greatly from the Guardian Beast, Cerberus. And this made the angel very, very lonely. No friends, no family, no one to talk to... No one who even remotely resembled himself. The sorcerer, however, knew this and befriended the angel, showing him that he _did_ have a friend--and would always have a friend. The angel was finally content and allowed himself to feel emotions he had never previously felt before: Love and friendship.

All things mortal must come to an end, though. True, the sorcerer was very powerful and a part of him would still live on after Death...but in the end, he was still mortal. Nothing would ever change that fact. Ever.

The angel ignored this fact of Life, preferring to live in the Present, not thinking of the Future and what was to come. His reality was clouded, a hazy dreamscape...but all dreams must eventually come to an end, also. And so must all Life. The dream bubble pops, even though we wish it wouldn't...

And all of reality comes crashing down upon us.~

Yue was cold. Though it was raining and had been for the past hour or so, his coldness was not caused by his physical form. He was completely and thoroughly cold--inside and out. Would he _ever_ get warm? The likely answer was no--but it didn't matter, anyway. He didn't want to get warm. No, not ever again.

The pale-haired man shivered and wrapped his arms around himself, drawing his wings closer to his cold body.

"All things eventually die, just as all things must eventually come to an end," Cerberus said quietly, looking up at his fellow Guardian with saddened golden eyes. His own pain was great, and yet... And yet it came nowhere near Yue's own.

"Hai," was the only answer the Beast Guardian received.

"He was a wonderful Master--kind and very loving. I... I think that he would have liked the headstone you and I created with the help of the Cards. It's a fitting remembrance, Yue. His legacy and memory will always live on in _our_ memories and in the Cards. I think that he's happy now, where ever he is..."

At this, Yue whirled around and glared down at the Guardian Beast. Were those tears on his face or only raindrops slowly gliding down to fall to the wet grass? Cerberus didn't know...and it hurt too much to think about it, anyway.

"And how would you know, great Cerberus, Beast Guardian of the Clow Cards? You don't know--and neither do I. We'll _never_ know because he's _dead_! He's _dead_ and... And he's never coming back..." Yue trailed off into a whisper, looking down at the grave with pain-filled eyes. So much pain and so very much suffering.

It wasn't fair, now was it?

Cerberus quietly left Yue, leaving his fellow Guardian to grieve alone and privately. Once he was gone, Yue brought his wings closer to his body and sank to his knees, resting his forehead against the cool headstone. His silver hair fell forward, hiding his face from view.

"I'm... I'm all alone...once again..."

~ * ~

Yukito sat up in bed with a gasp, rubbing his eyes to remove the sleep from them. "N-Nani? Another dream? Or... Or was it another memory?"

It was getting harder and harder to tell the two apart from one another--sometimes it was a dream, sometimes it was a memory. Sometimes it was even a mergence of the two. And sometimes it was neither, gifting Yukito a night of dreamless sleep, ending with him awakening refreshed...but troubled nonetheless. Why? It was a question he couldn't answer--would he _ever_ find the answer (or answers if the case may be) to that one particular question--Why?

He shook his head slightly, clearing away the last bit of sleep from his mind. Sighing, the golden-eyed boy slowly crawled out of his bed, gnawing on his lower lip in thought as he did so. So many things to think about!--and all of those things would never be solved. At least...he didn't think so.

So frustrating!

...and yet so intriguing, also.

Yukito smiled ruefully to himself and answered his own questions aloud. "I guess there are some puzzles and questions you can't ever possibly solve--no matter how many times you try. Like the 'no solution' problems in math." A laugh. "Oh, how I hate those types of problems!"

--A glint on his pillowcase.---

"Nani?" Yukito asked again aloud as he bent down to see what it was. He frowned slightly and picked it up. "...nani? Another feather?"

Yet another facet was added to the never-ending puzzle--Why?

...and yet...all puzzles have a beginning and an end, right?

Why?

  
  
  
  


A/N: Hai, hai. Short, I know. Next chapter will be longer--I promise. Still don't like this chapter, though... ¬.¬;; *squishes chapter* Heh.


End file.
